WHY DO I GET SO EMOTIONALLY ENTANGLED WITH EVERYONE I KNOW?
every thursday I start with a thrill and leave with a breakdown. i just don’t get how my life can benefit from this anymore. yes, my emotions are talking. i just need some sleep.
And don’t get me wrong. I AM a church kid.
But there is so many things they say.. they are literally an entire stereotype all together.
“I’m so blessed to be…” “its not religion its relationship” and all the pictures of bibles and coffee. together. in the same picture.
The difficult thing is that I poke fun, I don’t hurt anyone. I say and tweet cool tidbits like “I love shaking hands with christians until it becomes a relationship boundary”. And lately some people have told me they have become a little.. put off by it?
Which just proves a point I’ve been dying to make.. there IS such thing as a church trend. Because yeah, who am I to judge another person’s society or culture when I live in just as much of a diverse society/culture? It makes sense. So because if people love God and I am not opposing it, there is no sense that anyone should be offended with my light facetiousness unless they felt they were part of the opposition.. but my opposition is not a belief, it’s a trend. It’s a pattern of things that a certain group of people say and do. A trend.
See I’m not even against the trend. I’m really not. If you know me you also know that I try to make fun of just about anything I can. That’s not the point.
What I’m afraid of? Is that people will walk into a church and leave with some simple bible verses memorized with a “passion” to go out into the world preaching the name of God because we’ve planted a seed based on emotion that surrounds the idea. I mean, it’s not gonna be a hard step for ME to take, going off preaching the gospel if I my hands aren’t tied behind my back, every service is an emotional cry-fest (I do best with people who are ‘broken’), I’m going to listen to amazing worship that’s comprised of the PERFECT formula of sounds coming from the guitar/bass/vocalist all together, and I’m also with my best friends who are also easy followers of comfort.
Like I said, this isn’t all bad I’ve come to realize. In fact, I enjoy it. And I believe that emotions can be at play for God’s masterpiece in the end.
My point is.. if I have all that? I can feel free to Instagram all the Philippians 4:13 images I want (with my pumpkin spice latte no less) because it’s part of a social scene that ACCEPTS it. Just like if I have amazing music, amazing friends, a motivational speaker, and they all are smokin’ cigs and gettin’ nak’, it wouldn’t be difficult for me to do the same.
And I’d hate to imagine a person who walks into a church and gets new ideas but has NO clue who God actually is. besides what they are told.
How are some people going to personally discover the power of God to “take our sins away” if we just go around saying “God took my sins away i am so happy lol”
God is so much more than that.
I know this after years of a wasted life. Even worse. A sinless, wasted life.
Many people don’t believe in God and we can’t use the encouragement that we have to also encourage them. We can’t even prove God. That’s all in our actions. But if we walked into a comfortable place of living (The Jesus Trend I call it) it’s not hard to be “good”. There’s just no depth in that, is the problem.
I love everyone too much to see a church become popular for the wrong reasons.
Take all the Christian lingo out of the picture and focus on what really matters.
There is a God who loves you. At least I believe so. It’s not bad that you are part of the church trend. If you are, awesome. But trends and Jesus don’t always go hand-in-hand.
So Follow Jesus. #newcommitmentoftheday #Christiangirlsusehashtagstoo
Everyone knows being happy is a good thing. Enjoy it while you have it.
But sadness is a hidden treasure. It comes by the luckiest of people.
So take it in. Experience it fully. Cry.
It’s only proof that we still have sentiment in our heart.
“We live, we lie, we love, we die
Then we do it all again
It’s a shootout world, but so much more
Than just a couple scars on our skin.”
I don’t have many followers anyway so this is essentially a lost cause.
I’ve had some hectic weeks:
Emotionally, busy enough to fulfill my promise and write something for you guys.
Physically, busy enough to delay that a very long time.
Truth is, I’ve made some uncomfortable realizations about life.
Primarily that there’s no “it’s all gonna come together” unless your faith proves true.
It’s all chaos and uncertainty. That is, unless you believe in someone who provides peace within.
The point of this is, I am still the same kid I was 3 months back. Full of life and lacking comfort. Still in love. I attempt to venture off the burden that comes with loving someone. You may even call say I have a new “crush” but I call it an attempt at gaining back control over my life. Still depressed, though not clinically, but divinely: the art of knowing life and seeing the value of it. So much and yet so little uniquely. It’s wonderfully sad, yet it brings joy to my life that I know such mysteries. That alone is a gift from God.
I’m no longer a part of my church. And I love church. But my church is barely a church. I’m still full of love for God and everyone, though I may not appear to have seen it all before. I guess my charisma was lost in the heartbreak.. but that is just a personality.
The only exception is when I am playing keys, in which case, it’s the music that drives me to worship quickly.
I do have the weakness of distraction, which is everything.
I have become a Twitter addict, and at the moment, I value my success on Twitter above my success in most places. It’s not disillusionment, just an undefined priority scale. I so undeniably want to make the most of my life that I’ve sometimes confused my fulfillment with my pleasure.
I am going to write more, but there is a chance that I’m lying. So it’s a loose lie, if even. I’d be lying if I said I was sure I’d be writing. The point is, I may or may not write something. Hopefully I will since I know it’s good for me, and my emotions are the world’s to share as they always have been. My life to strangers.
That’s a little bit of everything. I hope I become stable soon. I love you all :)
I don’t think i’m too much of a bad guy either :)
I keep falling in love in the weirdest places. first an airport, now a gas station.
Its when you do the cute “smile then look away, then look back 4 seconds later to see if she has reciprocated the smile” thing. Totally worked too.
She looked kinda like a mix of two of my friends. Kinda seemed like the “aspiring country artist” type. Blonde hair, soft eyes. The point is, I love the feeling. I don’t love that it goes away.
In like 5 seconds on the drive home, I just realize that everyone tells me there’s someone out there for me but I need to ask myself: Is the world really working itself for the sake of a single soul like me? If yes, then awesome. But if it does that to everyone, is it really the world, or is it something with a mind and a heart in control?
A lot of questions, not a lot of answers, a lot of thoughts and feelings. I’m lovesick. I need to write. New post coming soon.